More on 'blues' to 'I'm loving it'

On Friday, its clearer as to how the transformation from 'blues' to 'I'm loving it' takes place. Actually if I had said everything there was to say on the matter in one post there would be no necessity for a blog, would there ? So here is what Friday tells me about my state in exile.

I'm loving it. Why ? I have myself to myself once more. Thats the reason. One has to go back to Derek Walcott's 'Love after Love' with which this blog started. I have my life back. I don't have to be what my wife wants as a husband. As I said earlier, we didn't choose each other. We, this family, was a product of the social conventions of a time, may be five or ten years behind the year we got married in. She wasn't supposed to have a choice, I didn't know then that she did. And I surrendered that choice to my parents. Had I known what I know now things would have been different. But then if my aunt had a moustache she would be my uncle, as they say in Bengali. However, I know this for certainty, after Bertrand Russel's 'Marriage and Morals', which elucidates thoughts that I had arrived at independently, which though I had wanted to read since my teenages found only when I was thirty seven or so, after 12 years of marriage, and after Doris Lessing, that I am just beginning to read, thanks to the Nobel Committee, that there was every possibility that I would have made a mistake. For, once again my convictions regarding marriage, that a permanent bonding between any two individuals such as is supposed to happen in marriage is an artificial bond and involves falsehood after falsehood after falsehood, have been confirmed by people more courageous than me, viz., Russel and Lessing. People do grow away from each other and a life long love, when the lovers are together, is a myth. (I should add that Marquez too has made some invaluable comments on marriage, in the early chapters of 'Love in the Times of Cholera'. Though the book is about a life long love but there the protagonist hasn't had the opportunity for uniting with his beloved. I should put down my poem 'Love and Romance', written a decade back, which is relevant to this issue, in this blog. )

But I digress. This 'I'm loving it' comes from this beauty of a reclamation of my life. Spending all the free time I have on myself. Wearing what I want to. Sleeping when I want to. Reading when I want to. Food isn't such a problem, as it isn't so important to me. In short being who I want to be. The only thing missing is sex. But that is a small price to pay for getting ones life back. The greater price is loneliness. I am eager to read what Doris Lessing has to say in the matter in 'The Golden Notebook.'